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a fox jumping into the post.

082524

i made it home! my visit was simultaneously horrid and heart warming. i will not be elaborating. check out this toad! i've finally got the energy to work on my code a bit, though not enough to finish it just yet. i need to figure out something with my home page, add a site updates box somewhere. what do you even do on a homepage? everything is so neatly organized into individual pages that i don't really know what i'd like to do with it. updating my FAQ to reflect my inline css-- it's a bit of a weird quirk that i blame on my laziness.

081324

i'm in another state at the moment, taking care of my family member. it's a little odd, especially given that i don't like her very much. but i know how awful home health care can be, and i didn't want to subject her to that indignity. my personal progress with finding a job is... slow. i've submitted everything necessary to become a substitute teacher, but we'll see if i can even land a job-- my outlook is a little bleak, but there's not been very much hope.

over the course of my few days caring for my family member, i've been told that i should look into becoming a nurse. i've thought about it, admittedly, as i enjoy helping people, i'm quite knowledgable about medicine (unfortunately due to being disabled, which does create a little bit of a problem given how physically intense nursing can be). plus i simply don't have the money to go to school to get a nursing license, even if i wanted to. that makes it easy, i suppose!


i had hoped to take some pictures while i was here, but the dog is too scared to walk without my family member, and at this point i can't leave my family member on her own since she needs someone to help her do things like get dressed and eat and such. i'm hoping that i can score at least one picture! there's lots of toads here, so perhaps a little toadlet.


truthfully, i'm only updating my blog to get out my musings about nursing and to kill time, as i can't play video games for long in between tasks, and i refuse to watch right-wing news, the only news allowed in this house. so, blogging and updating my site is what i'll do.


does anyone ever know what's going on? how do you stay in a job? i'm floundering, but at the very least, i know i'd make a good nurse.

071624

i think that if i could describe what inspires my photography, it would be simply thinking, "this is beautiful." i obviously try to follow rules of composition and whatnot, but when i point and shoot, i think, without fail, "i hope someone sees what i see right now."

art is such a unique experience for every person, and i love knowing what inspires other artists. your own art, whatever medium, is worth sharing. i want to know what you think is beautiful.

070924

ffxiv: dawntrail has consumed my life. my opinions on it are complex. it's kind of like a marvel movie, where you have a fun ride but if you look too hard at the plot, things sort of fall apart. for you non-players, massive spoilers ahead.


for sake of my fingers typing, i won't explain the plot up until this expansion. there's been plenty written about it and i have nothing new to say. in dawntrail, our character, the warrior of light, journeys to the American analog of Tulliyolal, in an effort to help our newest friend, a giant lion furry girl named Wuk Lamat become king in a giant competetion to determine the next ruler. the ultimate goal: to find the City of Gold. Wuk Lamat is a shounen anime protagonist. she's incredibly powerful, feels her feelings deeply, and she is definitely the hero of the story. her competitors in this competition are her two brothers, Koana (a catboy) and Zoraal Ja (a reptile beast person). Koana is lovely and even though he might not always see the value his culture has, he cares deeply for his people and wants to make their lives better. Zoraal Ja just wants world domination at any cost. There's another competitor, unrelated to Wuk Lamat: Bakool Ja Ja, a two headed reptile beast person that is hell bent on becoming king at any cost. Bakool Ja Ja is a pair of Blessed Siblings, two headed people who, according to cultural lore, are blessed to rule.

you and Wuk Lamat journey across the land in this competetion, where she learns about the value of culture in some sort of Anthropology 101 field school. people have culture! they are different! and that's valuable! obviously, the other candidates don't give a shit about culture, and you're supposed to cheer for Wuk Lamat.

meanwhile, as Wuk Lamat has her cultural anime training arc, (you are a backseat character in this, for better or worse) Bakool Ja Ja releases a horrid monster on the world. why? fuck you. he doesn't even get punished for it. you and Wuk Lamat defeat this monster (a very fun fight!) and bing bang boom the day is saved. Wuk Lamat continues her journey, learns a lot, finds the city, and eventuallly becomes king. she also has her brother, Koana, rule with her, because through his own journey, he learned the value of culture. wow.

but just as everything looks to be wrapped up happily, Zoraal Ja finds the City of Gold too, and merges what you find out are two separate dimensions, yours and the City. this is terrible! Zoraal Ja has gone mad with technological power, seemingly out of nowhere, and returns to kill his father. you and Wuk Lamat go investigate, accompanied by a grumpy bunny boy that everyone is horny for. you learn that the merged dimension is offset by a period of thirty years, but time has now synched up for some reason that wasn't explained. you also meet bunny boy's mother, who is controlling a cute little robot. Zoraal Ja rules this land along with its original ruler, Sphene, a woman who loves her people more than anything else, and agreed to give Zoraal Ja power in exchange for letting her people live.

blah blah blah, you eventually kill Zoraal Ja, and learn that Sphene's people are all Endless-- dead people whose souls and memories have been stored in data. Sphene herself is an Endless, and so is bunny boy's mother. in order to sustain the Endless, Sphene needs people's souls, and plans to collect them from your world. so you come up with the genius idea that, if you delete all the Endless, Sphene will have no reason to collect souls. (i personally think that this would make her angry and give her nothing to lose, but.) you shut off the Endless, and Sphene doesn't even know. You never actually... tell her? You and Wuk Lamat fight Sphene (also very fun!) and save the day.


it was a very fun ride. my explanation is very casual, and glosses over a lot of random plot-adjacent explanations (such as why Bakool Ja Ja is such a dick), but the core points are there. dawntrail reminds me a lot of Stormblood, where you have a leader who isn't really qualified go through an anime arc to become qualified. Wuk Lamat is endearing, even though she lacks substance. the villains are easy to hate, and it's kind of nice that the entire world isn't in immediate danger, like the previous two expansions. i can't really rate it out of ten, but i can at least say that, if you play through it, keep your expectations low and enjoy the ride.

060524

the job search has yet again run dry.
i took up rollerskating! i'm really not very good. if i can turn a video into a gif without it looking infinitely horrible, maybe i'll upload some progress over the next few months. it's too hot to exist currently, so i've been practicing skate jam moves indoors.
okay. so all i can do are slides, but i'm getting there!

i started drawing furries, or at least attempting to. i made a fursona, named her Mir, and she's been my blorbo on my ipad for weeks. updated my bio page with art that my friend drew of her, because its the best thing ive ever seen.

happy pride! i love being queer. i hope you feel safe and wanted this pride month and that you gay it up just a little for me, please!!
a waving pride flag gif from the oldweb

042924

been applying for more jobs. feels a little strange to have more people following my personal website than my professional one, but i can't exactly put all my personal wrirting on my professional website because i say the fuck word. also telling employers you're batshit insane isn't exactly a good look. random strangers though? totally fine. still not sure what's up with my code on that website, it just keeps breaking. ah well. project for the week, i suppose.

042624

was in vegas for lvlupexpo on friday! i cosplayed vanilla from nekopara.

so why nekopara?

so, i've only played the first game, but i loved it. on the surface level, what's not to like? there's catgirls, there's catgirls. okay, so there's catgirls. the plot is absolutely insane. there's a bizarre incest plot with the main character's little sister? it's also unclear, whether in this universe, catgirls use litterboxes or toilets. but that's unrelated.
for the uninitiated, nekopara is a hentai visual novel about a young man and his two sort-of-pet catgirls, chocola and vanilla. our main character runs away from home and stars his own bakery, but vanilla and chocola tagged along. in this universe, catgirls are kept as pets, and must wear collars when outside or they'll be taken to the pound, like some dystopia, due to high rates of catgirls committing crimes. anyway. main character and chocola and vanilla all have a fun cute time together where they fall in love and then they bone. explicitly. sexily. main character is then so tired from fucking that he has to go to the hospital.(???) truly the most game of all time! anyway. be kind out there. enjoy your weird hentai games.

041824

i often wonder about other people's creative challenges. creativity is so different for everyone. for me, it relies on my bipolar disorder to even function, and aphantasia means that i have trouble envisioning whatever i'm thinking about. it's weird being mostly stable, since my creativity is so heavily buried under medication. that said, i wouldn't trade the stability for the creativity, in any case. i'll just deal. art has been a good exercise, since i need to look at references in order to draw, well, anything!! something something dutiful practice or whatever. we stay winning.

it was interesting to see the f+f drama unfold. like, boss, i'm just here to make a webbed site. fascinating.

041524

i live! i made it back! i'm also making this site mobile accessible, and alt text accessible....slowly! @media my beloved. i do not understand and yet. i code. on the list of things to do: format my writing. add fun little gif separators to break up walls of text. i uploaded some of my new pictures from the trip to my photos page as well. it was so dry out there that my lip split, and that's my reminder to always bring chapstick.

041124

i spent most of today prepping the meals for the camping trip. five hours of work to go be feral in the desert for a few days. it's really worth it, though; i absolutely love the deserts out here. sweeping vistas, canyons, even the wildfire scars are beautiful in their own way. (please be fire safe. wildfires are no joke!!) reader, anywhere in the desert is worth a visit. the whole landscape is so unique and so detailed. the geological, archaeological, anthropological, ecological history of the western desert is honestly some of my favorite to study, and i think i'll always be passionate about it. it's definitely spoiled me; i don't think i can live anywhere too far from the middle of nowhere or i might go a little bit more stir crazy than i already do.
i like to browse the last updated page here on neocities, i find so many cool little sites! they've inspired me to work on my own a little more, and i think i'm going to start updating it bit by bit. everyone is so creative and passionate; it's inspiring!!

040824

made a page for art. i also included my graphic design, because why not! it's in no particular order. graphics courteously stolen from my professional portfoio and linked here for your convenience, dear reader.